Family Bribing Time
by The Devils Song
Summary: What's a better way to kick off the day than your oldest son bribing you with location of your youngest son so that you can find him before your obnoxious brothers (and sweet brother-in-law, who is the only one that matters) visit? Absolutely anything.


**Family Bribing Time**

"Want a bikkie?"

"No, Jett, I do not want a '_bikkie_'. Could you _please_ just tell me where you've hidden Peter?"

The Aussie boy just laughed. "No can do, mate. Pete made me promise not to tell you until _after_ the barbie. He really likes to see you squirm, the brat." Jett reached forward for another Tim Tam and had his hand rudely slapped away. Still he only laughed, making Arthur huff. He was just too laid back for his own good.

"For the last time, Jett, I am not your 'mate', I am your father. And secondly-"

"We all know you're the mother in this family."

"Jett!" Arthur growled. "I swear to God, sometimes I wonder why we decided to adopt you. You were a cheeky one even when you couldn't talk."

Jett smirked. "If you didn't like cheeky, you wouldn't have gotten with dad. Or adopted Peter."

With a sigh, Arthur got off their couch and walked towards the kitchen. During times like this, all he wanted was a bloody good cup of tea. "I don't understand why Peter never wants to see his uncles. My brothers I understand, but Matthew?" He turned to glare at his oldest son. "And you're even hiding him now."

"Your glare is as mean as cat's piss, did you know that?"

"Language!"

With a cheerful grin, Jett stood up and skipped over to his English father. "Well, if I tell you where Peter is, will you let me chuck a sickie tomorrow?"

Raising a rather impressive brow, Arthur turned to face him, cup of tea finally in his hands. "And why would you want to do that?"

Jett rocked excitedly on his heels. "The waves are supposed to be real rippers tomorrow! I just got that new boogie board and I really want to give it a crack. I can't exactly do that from inside the store."

Arthur hummed, walking over to the dining table and taking a seat. He was seriously considering the offer. He was sick of feeling rude while explaining to Matthew (and his own brothers, but they didn't matter) that his nephew didn't want to see him because of The Incident. Honestly, it was all Alfred's fault, but Peter idolised him too much and instead blamed his uncles. Arthur's idiotic husband had decided to fill his youngest son's head with nonsense about what it meant to be a man, and all the uncles had quickly joined in. Somewhere along the line, it was mentioned that to be a man, you must be able to withstand even the greatest pain. (He was pretty sure that was Alistair's doing, the wanker.)

And so, twenty minutes of waxing Peter's eyebrows ensued.

Of course the poor boy was traumatised afterwards! But really, completely dropping all contact with Matthew - who did nothing but jokingly suggest the eyebrow wax - was absolutely uncalled for.

"You have yourself a deal, Jett," Arthur said reluctantly.

Jett let out a loud 'whoop!' and then ran outside the back door. "Come on, he's this way! If we leave now we can be back in the arvo!"

Arthur followed at a much slower pace, going deep into the paths between his meticulously cared for rose bushes. Further and further into the large garden they walked, until they stopped at a large wattle tree. Cradled up in its branches was Peter, yelling at his DS.

"Come on, Turtwig! I want to catch the Goddamn Gastly!"

"Peter!"

"Waugh!"

Caught by surprise, the ten-year-old tumbled from the branch he rested on and plummeted towards the ground. Arthur watch in horror as his boy fell. Oh God, Peter!

He rushed forward just as two strong, muscular arms caught the boy and held him to an equally strong and muscled chest. Arthur followed those arms to see his American husband's blinding grin.

"Gotcha, buddy! That woulda been a nasty fall, huh?"

Arthur had never been so relieved in his life, but he didn't let it show, instead stalking over to scold his son. "Peter! Every month I ask you not to hide from your uncles and what do you do? Go and hide! And now you've gone and nearly killed yourself!"

"Woah, woah!" chuckled Alfred, setting Peter gently onto his feet. "Relax, everything's fine. Matthew and your brothers will be here any minute, so let's just go inside and talk about this later, all right?"

"Fine," grumbled the Englishman. "But don't think I'm going to forget about this!"

* * *

"Hey, squirt! You're finally showing your face, huh lad?" boomed Arthur's Scottish brother, Alistair, as he saw Peter hiding behind Alfred's legs. The Kirkland brothers all rushed forward to smother the little boy, completely ignoring their youngest brother's glare.

Matthew only smiled at Peter apologetically before nodding at Alfred and Arthur and making his way towards Jett.

"So, Jett, which Kirkland do you bet on winning the brawl this time, eh?"

The Australian grinned. "Arthur, definitely. He may be the sheila of the family but he's going to be out for blood tonight."

His Canadian uncle gave out a quiet snicker. "Doesn't matter how feminine he is, he's got this whole house wrapped around his little finger."

The _except Peter_ was left unspoken.

* * *

A/N: Woo! Yes, this fic was born out of a desire to use as much Aussie slang as possible and feature one of my characters - Australia! This fic is plotless and boring, but hey - _Australia_. And who doesn't love the Kirkland family? Also, here's an apology for the lack of America . . . and basically all the other characters except England and Australia. I promise, I hate the loss as much as you!

I just kinda want to add here that it's kinda an idea of mine that Australia was born in the GAFA (Great Australian F*** All, aka the Outback) and England kinda stumbled upon him while exploring the new land and dying of thirst. Australia leads him to a billabong (basically a lake) and saves his life. In his gratitude, England takes him in and _voila!_

Anyway, here are the definitions of the Aussie slang used:

**Bikkie** - a biscuit.  
**Barbie** - a barbecue.  
**Tim Tam** - a chocolate biscuit sold here. (To die for, I tell you!)  
**As mean as cat's piss** - mean. (Or stingy, but we're going with mean here.)  
**Chuck a sickie** - call in sick to work, school, etc. when you're perfectly healthy.  
**Ripper** - great, awesome, fantastic  
**Boogie board** - a half surfboard hybrid thing-y. Mostly used by kids who can't actually surf, but want to. (Fun as all hell.)  
**Arvo** - afternoon.  
**Sheila** - a woman.

Thanks for reading! Review please. Good or bad.


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